Fearless!

Hello everyone!

I guess you guys know me quite well!! Or many of you might have even forgotten me because its been 5 years since I was in the headlines of all the local and national newpapers.

These five years have been so nice and its so soothing up here when you know there are people down there fighting and shouting their voices out specially for you.

Okay, since it seems that you don’t remember me well enough! I’ll take you all for a flashback and tell you my story which probably the newspapers and Wikipedia might have already told you! Five years back and a shiver down my spine!

I am a girl! Yes, I was born in this big, kind family where each individual of family loved me and I loved them back. I was Daddy’s girl ( Well every girl is but I wasn’t my daddy’s burden. I was more of his pride). I always admired the way my dad was so hardworking just to get my brothers and me a proper schooling. He worked two shifts in a day just to earn more and get us educated. He never needed to do that. He could have easily let me off and made me sit home and get me married. Why dad? Why did you even work so hard for me when I was going to get on with the dust?

I never let my dad’s hard work go worthless. I tried my best to make through school and give him satisfactory results. We were all a very happy family. I was career-oriented. I loved physiotherapy as if it were the only good profession on earth and I wanted to excel it. I wanted to give it all back to my dad. I wanted to make him realize that every drop of sweat he has shed for us is all going to bear him sweet fruits in the near future. It was all going good and well I was a normal Indian girl. You know how we are, right? We love decking up, cooking, going that extra mile for someone who means a lot to you, watching movies (both Bollywood and Hollywood), and hanging out with friends and our never ending desires for sneaking home late at night. As it seems, I was no different. I loved every bit of all of it!

We all plan movies with friends and who am I kidding? I was 23 back then. I was independent and mature and I could take good decisions is what I felt. Nevertheless, that day I did make a bad decision. I chose to go for a movie with my friend and I turned my life upside down as if it were a rollercoaster!

I stayed in the big, metropolitan city of India but I made such a horrible decision. I chose to watch a movie which began at 6 in the evening which was supposed to end by 9 and I was supposed to continue my journey home with my best friend and reach my home safe home at 10. What a bad decision right? I chose to stay out after 8. What was I even doing? Had I gone insane? Yes, I know these are your thoughts. I just wished I would have thought that same thing and concluded on staying up at home watch a boring television show and sleeping. Had I just done that, I would have been with you still. I would have been successful. My brothers would have got married. I would have had a big, fat wedding and would be planning my kids with my someone special but as they say one bad decision and it all goes away.

And it happened, I was just minutes away from the most dreadful part of my life. It was 9 pm. The movie was over and I was suppose to head back home with my friend. However, sigh, we couldn’t find a good mode of transport that day to drop us home.  We were walking on the way and there it happened we found a bus with 6 men including the driver heading towards the same route as our destination. I pleaded my friend to board this bus even though he was reluctant and trust me this was THE WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE AND ALSO THE LAST DECISION I ever made.

That bus ride changed me forever. I cannot even forget how it all happened! The bus changed its route and they shut the doors of the bus. When my friend questioned, they rounded around him and started beating him badly. They took me to the rear end of the bus even though I cried aloud and shouted as hard as I could. But NOBODY HEARD. They beat my friend so much; he could hardly stand up and cry! This was the beginning of something so horrible and devastating. This was the beginning of a woman’s cries being feeble in front off 6 horrible monsters called men. They touched me everywhere and anywhere. Those harsh hands were all over me. That touches made me regret about being conscious and alive. But those touches were not the end, I was tortured and it was brutal. You can imagine how hard a finger down there is right? Well an iron rod is almost 100 times more painful than that, leaving all your genitals crushed. At that moment, I regretted being a girl more than anything in my life!

Then I was used up by all 6 of them for fulfilling their never-ending desire for sex and thrown down upon the streets like a chocolate wrapper. I was used and thrown down in such a devastating state, which made me handicapped enough even to cry for help, and I lay their motionless with a friend by my side though.

After hours, help arrived and they took me to the nearest hospital for treatment. Soon I became the girl in the newspapers but I just laid there and cried over my helplessness, cried over my decision of being out at 9 in a metropolitan city. I was the talk of the town. The police were doing well with the investigation. The doctors were tearing up my body, tissues, cells and trying to repair me up. The Indian Judiciary was taking its own time to lay out the punishments and the political people talked about me for gaining public sympathy. I was the name of the protests, the newchannels, the newpapers, the media, the public. I was the talk of the country. But I was doing no better. I could just lay there and see my family crying helplessly around me and feel all pity for me whereas I hated my decision for being out after 9!

Those medicines had bittered my taste, those bandages and syringes and injections made so many holes in me, which could never ever be healed. Still I was doing no better and so was my case in the court.

I was about to be shifted abroad and there were debates on whether I should be taken or not? There were NGOs and government helping me financially to heal better but there was nobody healing my soul or making me feel better. My case was doing pathetically bad in the court.

I decided I wanted to give up. The struggle, the sad faces, the fake hopes and the prolonged hearings were too much for me to take and so I breathed my last on my way abroad in the flight. I was on international water. I don’t know where but I’m glad I didn’t end up in a country who couldn’t get me justice when I was living.

Its been 5 years to that incident. I’m happy here up with Lord but the regrets are too much to take. One of the arrests killing himself, the other being sent to juvenile court for improving himself. Whom are you fooling? How could he be a juvenile when he could rape someone much elder to him without any shame!!!!!! A ray of hope entered my life when the judicial system made its final verdict 5 years after I died and decided to hang those criminal rapists to death!

I die without completing my dreams and they die in a black cell, five years after committing a horrible crime and having nothing to lose but life?

I wish we had something more strict which would teach them and all the further rapists a lesson about how shameful is raping a female and demeaning her!!!

I wish the punishment would have been able to soothe my soul. I wish they would have been castrated.

I wish they would have never raped me.

I wish I would have been able to slap them right in the face.

I wish I would grab those organs of them and give them a hint of the pain I had to bear with.

I wish I were never a girl.

I wish……..

-Story of a Rape Warrior